Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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