her vagine was all disorganized.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You smell like stripper and shame
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
