so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
