i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
