Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
