She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
