My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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