i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
