??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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