He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
whose ass print is on the piano?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize