well I can't set my house on fire every night
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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