It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
