We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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