see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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