I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
and she was petting her beer can
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
