the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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