My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize