but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
