i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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