I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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