This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just had sex on a roof
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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