So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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