god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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