Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
