i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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