yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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