Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
