she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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