dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
