Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
