I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I think your dad took our porno
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
