Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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