mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
