This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
