Im at strip club and am horny
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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