Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
