my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Randomize