Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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