If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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