Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
