you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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