OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
