You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
