when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
