You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
