Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
