So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
