You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
