I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
