THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
