wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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