he shaved USA in his pubs
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize