How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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