my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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