Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
