Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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