That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
