i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
