one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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