she was so not down for the gang bang
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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