Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
