she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Randomize
