Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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