Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You may now shotgun with the bride
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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