the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
